I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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