cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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