people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So much Jack, so little girl.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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