I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize