Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
