where am i from again
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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