If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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