so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
