Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
