Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
her vagine was all disorganized.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
