He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
