I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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