his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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