My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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