When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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