when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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