My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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