Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
