I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize