so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
