first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
