i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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