Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
