i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
