super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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