i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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