barbara walters just said penis...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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