at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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