I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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