Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize