New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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