please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
