last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
