you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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