My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
