I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
