Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
