this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
