You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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