I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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