oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
