I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
