she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i think my tv is drunk
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
this boner is exhausting
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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