we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
