Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
