State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
