I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize