I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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