who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
