I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
