You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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