Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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