Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
