I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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