Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize