how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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