I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
