The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
