Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
