He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
