peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
