I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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