Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
