Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
