Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
