i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
