So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
