UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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