batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
