Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
