bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
