so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
