Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize