I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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