bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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