Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
