did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
