What a fucking waste of an outfit
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
