worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
