Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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