Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
