do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
