So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
