It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
