He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
