The police scanner is talking about you again....
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
