so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
