so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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