Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
