she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
