So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
