Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
