Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
