meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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