So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize