your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
