they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
