It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
