it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
