So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
