yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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