btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
