I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize