my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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