I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
