i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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