She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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