I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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