if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
