remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
