i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
