Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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