she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
