I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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