My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize