Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need to calm my uterus...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
