There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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