I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
