I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
