I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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